The clock is 2am. The ritalin my bestie gave me this evening is still burning in my vaines, and is keeping me awake. I can feel what it does to me. I feel awake, ready to action, my heart beats harder in my chest than usual, I have cold feet and hands, I feel scared and yet exited at the same time. All this while I’m here in the guest bed of my little sister.
Our foster mom have had a visitor which borowed my bed and room. She left after dinner the day before, but my sister thinks it so fun that I sleep in her room and that she gets to wake me up. And I don’t really want to take that fun away from her. So I might stay her untill friday. Or I move my stuff tomorrow.
Just a few hours ago, around 8.50 pm I came home after being out with friends. I knew they would notice I had taken something, because I was pale and had too clear eyes. So I didn’t hesitate to tell the truth. Actually, I decided that since I still was so high on ritalin, I could just as well open up. And I did. I told her absolutely everything that was going on in my life. Everything from school, to future dreams, to smoke addiction, to friends and family.
Conclution: I need space. I need time. To think about who I really want to be, what I want to be… My life is a mess. I’ve been throwing precious time away on gaming/series/movies… I’m 17, soon 18. And I need to know who I am by then. I need to know my place. Can I change the world? Or just someones world? Will I be leading this country? Or just a small store?
It sucks growing up, but yet.. All the possibilities~~